


Castiel's Decision

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-14
Updated: 2014-12-14
Packaged: 2018-09-06 09:21:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8744449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Castiel has a decision to make. Can he actually go through with killing Dean? These are his thoughts as he stands outside the bunker where Dean is at.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

Here I stand outside the men of letters bunker, my best friends’ home. I am unable to go in, knowing what I must do but at the same time, knowing I must. He asked me for this, this favor that I loathe to do. I don’t know if I can go through with it. Do I grant him his final wish and die inside myself? Or do I try just one more time to save him, knowing that really it will never be just one more time. I can tell myself it will be, but I know the truth. I would do anything to save him, either of them for that matter. They would do the same for me and they have. We have literally been to Hell and back with each other. Can I just let all that history go just so he doesn’t turn into something he has hunted all his life? And what if after it’s done, I find a way to save him? Could I live with that kind of guilt? And what of Sam? Could he forgive me for killing his brother? Would he understand? Could I handle losing them both? I have lost so many brothers and sisters in the last few years from stupid mistakes on all our parts, and I don’t want to lose any more family. But yet, I can still see the carnage in the house that Claire was living in, the needless death. How could he have taken those lives without even a second thought? It’s true that they were bad men, but they were human. Every human deserves a second chance. But he took it upon himself to play judge and executioner. Why? Because he warned them before hand not to mess with him? Was that reason to take their life? And now that he has committed this heinous crime, is he going to go more off the rails? Become darker, more disturbed? And if I don’t end his life will he do it himself to stop his pain and the suffering he might cause without thinking about what it would do to Sam? The old Dean would fight. He would try to find a way to fix things. But that Dean left a long time ago. Is it everything that has happened has left him a broken man or was he always broken and now he’s just not as good at hiding it? Did I truly ever know him at all? I always thought that no matter what, he would keep fighting. As long as Sam was alive and there was evil to fight, he would keep going. But he has grown tired of fighting the good fight. And without something to keep him going, I think that he will just end it. Maybe it would be better to let him do it. But he asked me. Not Sam, not another hunter, or let himself get killed on a hunt. He gave me that honor. Should I disrespect that request now? All because I know that deep down, even though I will never admit it, that I am in love with him. It seems strange even now, that an angel can be in love with a human. But I feel it every time I look at him, every time I have to make a choice. It’s always him. But this decision . . . what is the right answer? Either way I go, it seems wrong. My beloved Dean has asked the impossible of me. Yet I know I must do it. For him. He has been my reason for making the decisions I have. It doesn’t matter if they were good or bad decisions. My intentions have always been about what was best for him. I can’t change that now. I must make this sacrifice and hope Sam understands. I also hope that one day I can forgive myself for not only murdering my best friend but for letting him turn into the one thing he never wanted to be. I was so absorbed in my own battles that I couldn’t see the pain he was in, and the warning signs of destruction. And now, we all are going to pay for my mistake. Maybe Sam will have mercy on me and end my life in retaliation. I don’t know which one would be worse, his forgiveness or his wrath. Either way, life as I have known it will end and I will suffer. I just pray that this is the right decision. Because this, . . . will surely kill me.


End file.
